Obligatory warning: this post is word heavy and contains few no pictures, and was written with a heavy heart. Sorry ladies, but I felt it should be shared. I will be back with loads of sarcasm tomorrow.
Oh my! Where have I been? I know you gals have missed me so. These last five weeks have been an emotional roller coaster; up and down and all around. Let me just start from the beginning.
Adam and I had decided several years ago that we only wanted one child. God blessed us with a wonderful baby girl that was a good sleeper, a fabulous eater, she gave up her paci without a fight, came straight off the bottle and basically potty trained herself before her second birthday. I mean SURELY round two would mean colic and all sorts of baby craziness. In all honesty we put a lot of thought into having another child. We get lots of "you'll change your mind," "she needs a sibling," etc, etc. But for us we feel that having a child requires more than just emotional support. We want to make sure that we are able to financially provide for her.
(And yes that includes trips to Disney World, dance class, twinkle toes, a huge wardrobe, private school if we want; all of which may seem materialistic to you but for us it is real) We do not want for our child to ever need or want something (within reason) that we can not provide. The second big reason for the decision came from our life style. Adam has worked a full time job since the age of 18, he/we put him through college and paid for it out of our pockets. Because of this he started out in a warehouse where he worked a crazy shift; second, third, rotating, whatever- you name it, he worked it. He has worked his booty off and we have sacrificed family time for his career because we knew in the end the reward would be great. Last year we were BLESSED and I mean BLESSED with a job so perfect for our family, we could not have prayed for it to be more perfect. He deserves it and we are so proud. With this came normal working hours! For the first time EVER we are all three on the same schedule; we roll in around the same time, we eat dinner together, we all go to the park at night; hell he was even able to go trick or treating last year. So for us this job change was LIFE CHANGING.
Last year we decided that we needed to make the decision about children. Phoebe was turning five and it was now or never. We hemmed and hawed over it and ultimately decided it just wasn't for us, we didn't need another child to make our family complete. So this year we decided I would have an
IUD put in, a long term birth control. Knowing that I was NOT having it removed. So about five weeks ago I went to the doctor to have the device put in only to have the nurse look at me
(like it wasn't a big deal) and drop the P word on me. YEP she said "well you're pregnant, so that changes your entire appointment!" WHAT IN THE WORLD, I was in shock! If you know anything about an IUD you know that it must be inserted during
that time of the month, how could I be prego if I was bleeding? Well apparently you can "spot" and be preggers. So off we went with the news that we just couldn't quite believe.
To make a very LONG FIVE weeks short, lots of things occurred; lots of blood was taken, many ultrasounds were conducted and last week we were told there was no fetal development. I had to either wait up to six weeks to naturally miscarry the sac (there was NO baby, no fetal development) or I could have a
D&C. I choose to have the D&C done. For many reasons. I felt very comfortable with my doctor, I understood and could see from the blood results and ultrasound that there was no development. (I should have been nine weeks) I have a lot going on; I work and I am in school, obviously I am a wife and a mother...and I am sorry an additional six weeks of pregnancy side effects with no baby as the outcome was just not something I was up for. So yesterday I had the procedure done. Everything went well and while I do have a few follow up appointments for hormone checks (to make sure my body realizes I am no longer preg, since I never started to miscarry naturally), the regular check up and hopefully within a month to have the IUD put in.
No, we are not planning to "try" again. We just feel like it is not in the plan for our little family. I am not sad. Yes this has been emotional but I/we understand. And no we did not share this news with Phoebe.
The reason I am telling you this LONG drawn out story is because I have found that so many women do not share their pregnancy stories until they have been "cleared" at twelve weeks, but I told pretty much everyone that I came into contact with on a daily basis and it has made the process so much easier.
(Don't be offended if you didn't know all of this...like I just stated I told those I SAW EVERYDAY) First of all I couldn't really hide the continuous doctor appointments and it made me feel better when someone said "oh yeah that happened to me." So this is my public service announcement to all women. Don't be embarrassed or nervous to share your pregnancy stories, even if they do not have a beautiful baby as the outcome. You never know who might be going through the same situation with you, that might be touched by your story. I'm telling you the men that I work with have been unbelievably supportive and I can't tell you how many women have said "the same thing happened to me." So make sure you reach out to at least a few people in those first weeks of pregnancy, voice your concerns and frustrations to others, you may get the best support from the most unlikely source! Just make sure you avoid the "know it alls" or "the I can top that" because seriously who has time for that!
Oh and I think it goes with out saying that my hubs was the BEST during this little situation!
Thanks for being my outlet!
Forever a partaaaay of three.
